Breaking! The Top Ten Reasons Ryan Zinke Is Ducking the Billings Congressional Debate

An Intelligent Discontent exclusive! [1. That means you, Huffington Post] When I pressed the Zinke campaign for the reasons why he is running scared from the traditional Billings Debate in the Congressional race, his campaign, which usually only offers two sides to every issue, offered ten reasons why Senator Zinke will not face his opponent John Lewis and the Montana electorate.

Said campaign spokeswoman Shelby DeMars, “While Zinke ducking the debate and the rain that has ruined everyone’s weekend is John Lewis’s fault, one of these reasons might be the real explanation for why our candidate is running like a scared kitten from Montana voters.”

Senator Zinke loves a good waffle.

10. When he agreed to attend the debate, he was under the mistaken impression than Billings had a Waffle House restaurant. That’s the only restaurant he’s been willing to visit since 2012.

9. He learned that the director of his personal Super PAC will be in Billings that day, and Zinke would never allow that sort of geographic proximity to cloud the integrity of Special Operations for America.

8. He’s meeting with Professor David Parker to discuss the full military records he promised to release nine days ago.

7. He’ll be drilling for oil on the North Fork of the Flathead.

6. There are too many poor people in Billings for his taste.

5. When he agreed to the debate, he forgot that he couldn’t defraud the Navy to fly him back to Montana from his home in California any longer.

4. He’s still looking for a bank to cash an enormous number of out of state checks, many without even proper name and address information.

3. He’s got a date to binge watch Orange To Get a Broke Campaign Back in the Black with John Boehner. You can join for only $10,000.

John Boehner and Ryan Zinke
John Boehner and Ryan Zinke

2. He’s been debating his own record since 2009 and assumes it will get quite confusing in a debate setting for one candidate to attack himself on abortion rights, gun control, climate change, energy subsidies, education, medical marijuana, the death penalty, and the influence of money in politics.

1. He’s already made it abundantly clear that he has no respect for Montana voters, who he sees less as people he might represent in Washington than as unpleasant obstacles in the way of his personal ambition and unbridled sense of himself.

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About the author

Don Pogreba

Don Pogreba has been writing about Montana politics since 2005 and teaching high school English since 2000. He's a former debate coach, and loyal, if often sad, fan of the San Diego Padres and Portland Timbers. He spends far too many hours of his life working at school and on his small business, Big Sky Debate.
His work has appeared in Politico and Rewire.
In the past few years, travel has become a priority, whether it's a road trip to some little town in Montana or a museum of culture in Ísafjörður, Iceland.

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