Top 20 Things to Expect When Your Young Earth Creationist Representative Is The Richest Man In Congress, And Also Objectively A Lying, Abusive Crook (Guest Post)

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Written by Charlie Smillie, a concerned citizen, and voter in Billings, Montana

1. Corny as it may seem to us, he’ll think he is uniquely suited to the power and prestige of political leadership (the service and duty parts, not so much).

2. Once he realizes his own ambition, he will try to buy his way into office. He won’t stop until he succeeds.

3. Of course, he’ll take as much help as he can get from his dark-money billionaire cronies. The NRA, the Koch Brothers, Russian Oligarchs, the more the merrier.

4. He will never, ever engage in open, good-faith dialogue with his fellow citizens.

5. If a journalist does manage to ask him an important question about public policy, he will likely, bully, abuse, or assault that person.

6. If he does assault a journalist, he will deny it and blame the journalist.

7. His Republican colleagues in Congress will chasten him with a handful of tweets, calling on him to apologize.

8. He will issue a hollow apology while celebrating the worst showing for a Montana Republican Congressional candidate in about 3 decades. Then, as a convicted violent criminal, he will be sworn into Congress. For all practical purposes, he will bear no real consequences.

9. With unlimited, unaccountable funds, he will flood airwaves and mailboxes with his own likeness, clad in hunter orange or leaning against a barbed-wire fence. He’ll project himself adorned in a “Montana” image with brute force (his favorite tactic and default emotional state).

10. He will proclaim himself a relentless advocate for conserving and enhancing public lands.

11. He will have sued to prevent Montanans from accessing an established fishing site through his property.

12. He will introduce bills to eliminate protections on 700,000 acres of Montanans most valued public land.

13. He will support piecemeal efforts to remove public lands from federal control.

14. Through his silence, he will display true cowardice as his predecessor guts a multi-agency, non-partisan, solution-oriented approach to Sage Grouse conservation–the exact kind of ground-up policy-making effort he claims to champion.

15. He will lie to Montanans’ faces when he claims he wouldn’t support a terrible GOP effort to repeal the Affordable Care Act.

16. He will assure deep-pocketed out-of-state donors that he’s pleased the GOP controlled House passed a bill that would rip health care coverage from millions of Americans.

17. Nothing will happen when he’s caught red-handed in this lie. (Except for the aforementioned assault, further lie, non-apology, and ascendance to national office.)

18. He will waste no time showing that despite his billions and so-called ‘Christian’ charities, he is morally bankrupt, placing his nauseating self-regard and sick vision for America ahead of his sworn duty to uphold the Constitution.

19. He will enact his true faith in Jesus Christ by doing absolutely jack-shit when babies and toddlers are kidnapped by Trump’s Brownshirts and put in cages.

20. He will get his ass kicked by Kathleen Williams in November. Montanans never bought his schtick. We know now without a doubt he doesn’t represent us. He will always be a craven, pathetic shill for a corrupt, racist regime. Montanans will reject him. His legacy will be a mugshot and a shameful stain for anyone who stood with him in 2018.

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