Never Again, You Betcha. Darn Right

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Golly, why would I answer the question? Golly, I will talk about my talking points that I memorized. You betcha, I don’t even know what de-regulation means, really, so Bridge to Nowhere is near Russia, isn’t it?

Me and Todd don’t like taxes, because snowmobiles are expensive, ya know? Darn right. Who needs to answer the questions when me and the Todd are the most ordinary Americans ever?

(Joe Biden is using an interesting debate strategy: relevant facts and information.)

What does that mean Gwen Ifil keep repeating the questions? I’ll talk about my energy expertise, you betcha.

Am I repeating myself about Fannie Mae? No! Bad! (imagines taser shock). Talk about rearing again. Fannie and Freddie are like that Putin.

East coast politicians don’t let Alaska drill for oil. (Uh, like John McCain?)

I am tolerant and have diverse friends. The Todd and I once watched Will and Grace, and thought that guy was really funny, ya know?

Team of mavericks! Mavericks! Main Street. Wall Street.

Say it ain’t so, Joe! (She has been dying to say that)

Now she is babbling about her biography and education. What the hell is this? It’s like she heard a key word, and then launched into her memorized spiel. It’s insane.

Vote for me, ya know, because me and the Todd have a special needs child. And I am a mother, ya know. MAVERICK! MAVERICK!

MAVERICK!

About the author

Don Pogreba

Don Pogreba is a eighteen-year teacher of English, former debate coach, and loyal, if often sad, fan of the San Diego Padres and Portland Timbers. He spends far too many hours of his life working at school and on his small business, Big Sky Debate.

His work has appeared in Politico and Rewire.

In the past few years, travel has become a priority, whether it’s a road trip to some little town in Montana or a museum of culture in Ísafjörður, Iceland.

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